I hate chain emails. Loathe them. With an undying passion. They mainly come in two different forms:
- Social
- Patriotic/Spiritual
The social kind are exceedingly annoying. Why? Because they're completely pointless. The rationale seems to be that if you can't figure out really basic, obvious minutae about 20000 people on your contact list, you don't have any friends. And they all seem to be the same.
"Please respond to this email and forward it to 4 billion of your best friends. What is your middle name? What is your favorite color? What brand of shoes are you wearing, like, right now? How many people do you think will respond to this? Who do you think will respond? Who do you think will not respond? What is your favorite movie? HAVE YOU EVER CRIED? Are you in love? If so, send this email *twice* to that person. Key: If 20 people respond you are an ok friend, if 500 people respond you are an awesome friend, if 20000000 people respond you are a ^best^ friend!"
Then there are the patriotic/spiritual type. I abhor these, because they try to attach some kind of moral significance to it.
"I thought this was really good. It seems that President Bush, may his name be eternal, was in Paris, that denizen of sin paralleled only by the worst parts of Sodom. And the French foreign minister asked him why Americans were so evil. President Bush, may his name be eternal, said, "When God made Texas, where I'm from, He told us all to keep an eye out for the French. Fact is, we're not evil, and the only land we've ever asked for from you is to bury our dead." You could have heard a pin drop. FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW OR YOU'RE NOT A FRIEND OF JESUS OR AN AMERICAN. If you don't, the Californians will take over!"
Please, do the world a service. If you ever get another chain email, end the chain right there.
I AGREE!!!
ReplyDeleteThe other kind of chain email is the 'because-i-love-you' warning. Like, "BEWARE of this email or this tactic, because the people behind it ARE MALICIOUS!!!" Or like, "37 Ways to Avoid or Defeat Kidnappers" So dumb, but immanently conducive to parodies! My personal favorite:
"Warning: If you receive an email with "Goodtimes" in the subject line, DO NOT OPEN IT!!!!! Goodtimes will rewrite your hard drive. It will also scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on your credit cards and use subspace field harmonics to scratch your CDs. It will give your ex your new phone number. It will mix Kool-Aid in your fish tank. It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it."
Fear not. I am a fearless and unapologetic chain-mail ender. Laughing out loud!!!
ReplyDeleteIf you are getting this comment, it is because someone loves you. Send this to 10 people that you really love.
ReplyDeleteWhat's even worse is when people post chain emails on blog posts.
ReplyDelete